Where in the World is Alf? (Part XI)

Following Part X

April 8-13, 2003

Tuesday, April 8, 2003

Reader L. Mawkley of Cedar Rapids, Iowa writes:

"Could we have something a little more wholesome for a change? Gratuitous 'crotch shots' are not something that is welcome in our Methodist household."

And from a youthful reader ... Master J. Parsons of Davie, Florida asks:

"Where is Susan?"

For the Mawkley family: we at THOCBDC are happy to bring you a shot or two of Watcharee shopping for HolsumTM branded products. [see * and **, below]

Turning to Davie's Middle Schooler, we can give him a wide-to-telescopic 'poke' at Susan's place.

* It should be noted that webmaster P.F. of Washington state was raised in a Tastee BreadTM family. Further, A.E. and his immediate flock had a vested interest in Quality Bakers of America offerings (little Miss Sunbeam stuff).

** All three of these bakery brands, along with the popular "we build strong bodies twelve ways" Wonder Bread, were (are) largely composed of air. 'Squishability' was the desired goal of their makers ... taste, of course, was totally immaterial, provided it was not absolutely offensive. To carry this a bit further (and, for example): after the crust was removed from a slice of bread the then 'albinic' product could be rolled between the thumb and forefinger and reduced to a small ball of gelatinous stuff ... and, if laden with consumer generated finger-dirt, it then achieved user-enhanced status.

Wednesday, April 9, 2003

Res Ipsa!

Bullet holes and graffiti mark a mural of Saddam Hussein in Baghdad Tuesday.

Wednesday, April 9, 2003 (Post Script)

Reader Andy Page (a Brit) sent the following sad news ... but before we go to the disturbing text let's relive THOCBDC's last flight on the Concorde: when 4 or 5 of us were forced to Concorde it to Europe to link up with CBI.

Concorde to retire by end of 2003
Concorde has been ravaged by safety problems


British Airways will confirm on Thursday that it is retiring its supersonic Concorde service, the BBC has learned. Passenger numbers have never recovered since the crash near Paris in 2000 and the aircraft no longer makes a profit.

Concorde is expected to cease flying in the autumn, probably when BA's summer timetable ends on the last weekend of October, BBC transport correspondent Simon Montague said.

Air France has made no comment on whether it is also close to pulling its Concorde service.

There were reports it would retire the service by 2007.

Concorde has been blighted by a rash of problems.

Three years ago 113 people were killed in the Paris crash.

Engine failure

At the end of last year it emerged engine failure forced one New York-bound plane to turn back to London and another flight was forced to cut its speed when cracks appeared in a window.

In January this year, an Air France Concorde covering the Paris to New York route was forced to return to Charles de Gaul airport when the plane's nose cone was unable to move into position for supersonic speed.

Past incidents

In November 2002, part of the rudder on a British Airways Concorde fell off as the plane was flying between London and New York.

And earlier that month passengers flying on an Air France Concorde had a scare as the pilot was forced to make the plane rapidly descend 8,000 metres (27,000 feet) after one of its jet engines failed.

An investigation concluded that the July 2000 disaster happened after a piece of metal lying on the runway burst one of plane's tyres.

Currently, BA's Concordes are certified to fly until 2009.

The Air Accidents Investigation Branch (AAIB) and the Civil Aviation Authority both say Concorde remains safe to fly.

Both Air France and BA Concorde services have been badly affected in recent months by the American economic downturn and the Iraqi conflict.

The plane, born out a joint Anglo-French project, and developed by engineers at Filton, near Bristol, operates daily out of London Heathrow and Paris' Charles de Gaulle airport to North America.

It cruises at around 1350 mph at an altitude of up to 60,000ft (11 miles) meaning a crossing from Europe to New York takes less than three and a half hours.

Thursday, April 10, 2003

Reader S. Beamish of Waterloo, Iowa writes (asks):

"Now that the war is over, any chance of showing us some Hollywood 'cheesecake'?

Sure, and can you guess who they are?

And, can you guess who they are? Big hint: Sarajevo, 1984. Small hint: THOCBDC's visit to The Plaza Hotel and Greenwich Village in New York City. Use the 'password' and the 'user' name to find out more.

Caption: "Elena and Oleg are each others first and only partners after switching to pairs late in their careers at ages 15 and 18, respectively."

Friday, April 11, 2003

Reader T. Wine-Queeb of Baltimore, Maryland writes:

"Celebrities, super-models ... that's all you write about! What about the common folks ... the salt of the earth? Hey, man, sprinkle some of them around. Otherwise get fucked."

You got it, Queeb!

Jacobs, Carrie A

Date of Birth: 9/14/1972
Height: 5' 1
Weight: 110
Race: White
Sex: Female
Age Status: Adult
Hair Color: bln
Eye Color: hzl
Identifying Features:

Wanted For: Robbery
Last Seen:
Areas Frequented:
Other Details:

Horton, Karen R

Date of Birth: 12/28/1968
Height: 5' 5
Weight: 120
Race: White
Sex: Female Age Status: Adult
Hair Color: bln
Eye Color: blu
Identifying Features:
TT: R.Shldr -bird / R.Ankle-unk

Wanted For: Dangerous Drugs/Assault
Last Seen: Black leather motorcycle jacket
Areas Frequented: Airport District

Valenzuela, Ramona L

Date of Birth: 11/11/1962
Height: 5' 7
Weight: 165
Race: Hispanic
Sex: Female
Age Status: Adult
Hair Color: brn
Eye Color: brn
Identifying Features:

Wanted For: Parole Violation / Drugs

Usama bin Laden

Aliases: Usama Bin Muhammad Bin Ladin, Shaykh Usama Bin Ladin, the Prince, the Emir, Abu Abdallah, Mujahid Shaykh, Hajj, the Director

Date of Birth: 1957
Hair: Brown
Place of Birth: Saudi Arabia
Eyes: Brown
Height: 6' 4" to 6' 6"
Complexion: Olive
Weight: Approximately 160 pounds
Sex: Male
Build: Thin
Nationality: Saudi Arabian
Occupation: Unknown
Remarks: Bin Laden is the leader of a terrorist organization known as Al-Qaeda, "The Base." He is left-handed and walks with a cane.
Scars and Marks: None

Unknown Suspect

Alias: Shannon M. Whyte

Date of Birth Used: March 2, 1975
Hair: Brown
Sex: Female
Eyes: Green
Height: 5'1"
Race: White
Weight: 117 pounds
Complexion: Light
Remarks: Whyte may be traveling with an unknown male accomplice.

Martha L. Cano Patlan

Aliases: Martha Leticia Cano Patlan, Martha Leticia Patlan, Martha L. Patlan-Cano

Date of Birth Used: March 2, 1974
Hair: Black
Place of Birth: Unknown
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5'6"
Sex: Female
Weight: 170 pounds
Race: White (Hispanic)
NCIC: W343874767
Nationality: Unknown
Occupation: Unknown
Scars and Marks: None known
Remarks: Patlan may travel to North Carolina, Florida, Texas, or Mexico.

Yolanda Tolentino Ricaforte

Aliases: Yolanda T. Ricaforte, "Yolly"

Date of Birth Used: September 1, 1951
Hair: Black
Place of Birth: Manila, Philippines
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5'1"
Sex: Female
Weight: 130 pounds
Race: Asian
NCIC: W392164655
Nationality: Filipino
Occupations: Auditor/Bookkeeper, Homemaker
Scars and Marks: None known

Patty Carrion

Aliases: Patricia E. Carrion, Patti Carrion, Patty E. Carrion, Patty Watson, Patti Watson, Patricia Watson

Date of Birth Used: November 1, 1969
Hair: Brown
Place of Birth: Bridgeport, Connecticut
Eyes: Brown
Height: 5'0"
Sex: Female
Weight: 115 pounds
Race: White
NCIC: W931175150
Nationality: American
Occupation: In the past, Carrion worked at a convalescent home.
Scars and Marks: Carrion has a discoloration on her right cheek.

Desiree Dawn Lingo-Perkins

Aliases: Esperanza Perkins, Espiranza Perkins, Perkins Lingo, Esperanza Lingo, Esperanza Lingo-Perkins, Lingo Perkins

Date of Birth Used: January 11, 1969 Hair: Blonde
Place of Birth: Texas Eyes: Green
Height: 5'6"
Sex: Female
Weight: 170 to 200 pounds Race: White
NCIC: W950571168
Nationality: American
Occupation: Unknown

Scars and Marks: Desiree Lingo-Perkins has a scar on her abdomen and a tattoo of a butterfly on her right calf with the names "Teanna", "Sean", and "Rachel" written beneath it.

Remarks: Desiree Lingo-Perkins has ties to Beaumont, Texas; Connecticut and the Texas/Mexican border. She has become familiar with the Mexican immigrant community in Texas and it is believed that she has traveled with some of these immigrants to Mexico where she is now living. She may travel with truck drivers and is known to be involved in prostitution.Lingo-Perkins has tested positive for Hepatitis C. She also suffers from a bipolar disorder and has taken the following medications: Trazadone, Lithium, and Prozac.

Saturday, April 12, 2003

Yesterday THOCBDC brought you the 'wanted'. But, reader Y. Hindyke of Vancouver, BC, Canada writes:

"One of the characters in the novel CHOKE says that sex is best with girls who are behind bars. Ah ... actually, I think the guy says that if you know that the girl is going to be safely in the slammer for the rest of the night ... I mean after you are through ... well, you don't have to worry about who is on your pillow in the morning. How about showing us some of these? Huh?"

OK! [These ladies are from PrisonPenPals©.]

Sex - Female
Race - Caucasian
Seeking - Men, Women
Religion - N/A
Convicted Of - Burglary
Release Date - 04/2004

Hello! My name is Angela. I'm a very fun, outgoing woman with a lot of spunk and character. I love to laugh, have fun, and make others around me smile also. I have a huge heart and am very compassionate. I've never been married nor have any children. I'm willing to relocate and am also a non-smoker. I love to be outdoors and enjoy the wilder side of life and living on the edge! I'll try anything once! I'm seeking caring, non-judgemental, supportive men and women to correspond with and have no limits on age or gender. I'm a great friend and lover and would like to become yours!

Angela Adkins # 913845
1401 State School Road
Gatesville, TX 76599 USA

Dare to be Real!

22 years old, green eyes, 5'3", 135 lbs. Bisexual.

Looking for someone who loves life, and all it has to offer. Loves all outdoor and indoor activities, especially water sports. I'm sensual and open minded about everything. Will try anything at least twice. I love people with a sense of humor, who are outgoing, and who have a positive attitude. I'm curious to learn and explore new things. I believe everyone deserves a second change and that nobody is perfect. I guess you could say, "I'm just one of those girls that make you go hum!"

Age and race is not important. I'm eligible for parole June 5, 2003, and my mistake was fraud and forgery.

Kavi Rochelle Adams # 64039
P.O. Box 6049
Pocatello, ID 83205 USA

Sex - Female
DOB - 08/19/80
Seeking - Women, Friends, Men, Donations
Race - Caucasian
Religion - Baptist
Convicted Of - Fraud and Forgery
Release Date - 06/05/03 / 06/05/06

Sex - Female
DOB - 10/31/69
Seeking - Men
Race - Caucasian
Religion - Catholic
Convicted Of - Robbery
Release Date - Eligible 04/03

Viva Las Vegas!

Hi! My name is Lesa and I'm currently on an "extended vacation" here in Nevada. I'm 33 years old, single, no kids, 5'8", 130 lbs. auburn hair and blue eyes. I'm waiting for a knight in shinning armor who's willing to take a gamble and rescue me. A gentleman with a sense of humor! Are you out there? Waiting with high hopes of hitting the jackpot of love!! Please write direct to:

Lesa Rene Andreskewicz # 56990
Southern Womens Correctional Facility
4370 Smiley Road
Las Vegas, NV 89115 USA

I am a 25 year old sensual woman, who is very passionate, open minded, energetic and loving with a giving heart. I have curly brown hair and sexy blue/green eyes. I stand 5'3", and weigh 130 pounds. I enjoy dancing, cooking, travel, exercising, music, arts, the outdoors, water sports and spending time with that special man in my life, whether it's a night on the town or a quiet evening at home cuddled up together. I am down to earth, outgoing and easy to communicate with. I love life and believe in living it to the fullest.

I am intellectual and am currently working on my associates degree in applied science. I plan on continuing my education until I receive my bachelors degree in business management.

I am seeking a mentally and emotionally stable man, with similar interest as myself who knows how to treat a woman and enjoys living, to share all of life's pleasures with. He must posses an open mind and a passionate, giving heart. Are you him??

Tracy Aquilera # 893577
1401 State School Road
Gatesville, TX 76599 USA

Sex - Female
DOB - 09/18/76
Seeking - Women, Men, Friends, Legal Help
Race - Caucasian
Religion -
Convicted Of - Accessory
Release Date - LIFE - 11/09/2017

Finally... I've put my words and thoughts together.

My name is Raylene, I'm 31 years old, and of African and Native American descent.

I've been incarcerated since I was 17 years old, and now that I'm getting close to going home (Los Angeles, CA) I just felt like doing something different.

I'm seeking a male pen-pal (possible mate) between 35-55 that has a sense of humor, a good heart, and is ready to start living-"you love what you find time to do..." What you do in time finds you ... make time for love." I'm hoping to connect with someone close to myself or delightfully opposite. I enjoy reading, writing, dancing, and most outdoor sports. I am a big Rams fan and also a lover of music.

I've never been married, and I have no children. However I do adore them. Kids are fine but a wife is definitely not optional. I know what I want, do you? Maybe we should discuss it...

Raylene Brooks # W-40103
C C W F (Box 29-1low)
P.O. Box 1508
Chowchilla, CA 93610-1508 USA

Sex - Female
DOB - 01/24/71
Seeking - Men, Donations
Race -
Religion -
Convicted Of - Attempted Murder
Release Date - 2006

Sex - Female
DOB - 12/30/68
Seeking - Women, Men
Race - Caucasian, African American
Religion - Christian
Convicted Of - Assault
Release Date - 2006

Are you a soloist seeking an accomplice? Every man needs his own erotic dancer, everything in life dances to music. Allow me to be your own personal melody, we can create soothing tunes of love together. Let me lead you to the rhythm of my soul. Come share this intimate dance with me, trust me to become your pride and joy. I am the one woman who will fulfill your dreams of red roses and champagne moments. Allow me to inspire your heart while I take care of your every need. Run away with me to an island paradise especially designed for you and me. Just look deep within me and you'll find treasures of love, loyalty and devotion which are all yours for the taking. Come with me and lets begin our own romantic adventure where you and I are the stars. From moon light till early morning dawn sit back and listen to my heart play this love song.

Machelle Brown # 794959
Mountain View Unit - T D C J - I D
2305 Ransom Road
Gatesville, TX 76528 USA

I'm a seductive, sexy lady of intrigue that loves adventures and loves to laugh. I'm searching for a distinguished gentleman who likes to travel to exotic places but also enjoys a comfortable, romantic setting at home. I find pleasure in simple things such as sun kissed beaches, boating, boxing matches, football, comedian clubs, and dancing close. I would love to find a special friend that could develop into an intimate relationship or more. I want to find a sexy mate to love and to live life to it's fullest.

Come to the ocean and watch the sunset until sunrise with me and experience the most sexual, romantic adventure of our lives. Please send self-photo and stamps.

Joanne Busbee # P04638
Gadsden Correctional Facility
6044 Greensboro Highway
Quincy, FL 32351 USA

Sex - Female
DOB - 05/22/64
Seeking - Men, Donations
Race - Caucasian
Religion -
Convicted Of - Violation of Probation for DUI
Release Date - 10/17/04

Sunday, April 13, 2003

Watcharee has the munchies for Thai food.

Next: Part XII

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