October in Florida

Between New York and Roanoke

October 1-6, 2003

Wednesday, October 1, 2003

Now that we are back in Florida we've started their days with good wholesome breakfasts of CheeriosTM, skim milk and dry toast. None of these 7AM meals of whole fish, curry rice and green peppers.

I just hope that once the Interstate Highway (mostly I-95) crosses the Florida/Georgia border the 'girls' will be able to have their first taste of a real Southern breakfast: grits, corn muffins and Jimmy Dean sausages. (*)

* In truth, a REAL Southern breakfast is a Doctor Pepper and a Moon Pie taken with an unfiltered Camel.

Thursday, October 2, 2003

Last night the 'girls' were not at all accustomed to going 'beddy-bye' on this big plush Irish goose-down mattress ... it was all too feathery and airy compared to their own waffle-thin Bangkok martyr-mats.

Anyway, as you can see, these 'sweet young things' just sank right-away into their new wonderful new comfy-bed. But ... still giddy with glee ... they finally had to tire themselves into their beauty sleep with a round or two of playful girlish pillow fights.

PS: Joining the ranks of 'one-off' (*) corkscrew clubs is the TWO-HEADED-TWO-TONGUED-VIKING-SHIP-CORKSCREW-CLUB (**). I am a member! No, my name did not get me in the door; I had to 'show' my two-headed-two-tongued-Viking-ship corkscrew.

* However, the PCC remains more 'off' than most ... and it intends to remain so.

** See: http://users.rcn.com/winedogs/latest_finds.htm

PPS: The following letter was sent to the Membership Committee of the TWO-HEADED-TWO-TONGUED-VIKING-SHIP-CORKSCREW-CLUB (2H2TVSCC):

Dear Membership Committee:

"Though 2H2TVSCC can rightfully insist that full membership can only be granted to owners of 2H2TVSCC ships, the owners of the "Pewter Tongue" models (Bull and Erickson) feel strongly that the faces on their own versions are 'happier, friendlier looking, and more likely to be welcome in ports'. Since the Vikings of yore had a reputation for plunder and rape ... we, the owners of the more gentle ships, think that the smiley faces (*) on our machines should ride on the 'top waves' in this 21st century."

(*) Please see the attached heads.

The above note was written by me in response to the reasons given for the explicit probationary status 'awarded' to the Bull and Erickson ships (see below).

Recently, several applicants submitted pictures of their two-headed-two-tongued-Viking-ship corkscrews. One with a less than "intact" tongue (as shown in the comparison on the left) and two ships which are not of the OSP40 variety, but have both tongues intact. It is with this in mind, that we have created an alternate membership title, henceforth known as pewter-tongues. Upon successful acquisition, and subsequent tongue verification, of an intact OSP40 two-headed-two-tongue-Viking-ship corkscrew, the pewter tongue moniker will be lifted, and said members of the 2H2TVSCC then be true 2H2TVSCC Brothers.

Friday, October 3, 2003

Translations from an overheard three-way shower conversation: the Thai to English (*) was provided by: tinglish.co.th/eng/thai/eng/html:

"What a change from those Bangkok rainwater buckets!

"And this nozzle can be aimed in all directions and into all the right places."

[feminine giggles heard]

"Even the force of the stream can be adjusted anywhere from a gentle liquid lick to a thrusting ram jet."

[sounds of water (crescendo followed by diminuendo followed by crescendo) ... accompanied by feminine gasps and sighs and gasps]

"Cold ... warm ... hot ... even steamy; we can take it anyway we like it!"

[a not unpleasant blurring of splashes and girlish squeaks and spanking sounds then continued for many minutes, right up until the Tinglish Company 'robot' was called upon to do some menu work over at the Sukothai Take-Out]

* Watcharee believes that this machine translation left out some of the more colorful bits found in the original spoken 'shower' Thai. Though distortions caused by a 'tonal' language ... like Thai ... ricocheting off hard ceramic bathroom tiles might have been largely responsible for these omissions.

PS: The last 15 seconds from translation tape (*):

"Does Roanoke have showers?"

"There were pictures of them in the Bull house construction 'pages'."

"Do you think Khun Bull's wife will let us play in one?"

* Apologies for this delay from the Tinglish Company.

PPS: This afternoon two of Watcharee's Thai girl friends, Kig and Pen, came over for lunch ("Take-Out" from Sushi-Toi).

PPPS: For once my Bangkok 'minders' have warned me about something other than teen-male suicide bombers keen on triggering themselves into 72-virgin payoffs, shoulder-fired NH5 surface-to-air missile launchers at Bangkok's Don Muang Airport, or biochemical holocausts packets that are likely to go 'poof' in Patpong bars just when the music gets strong.

Yes, today the wagging finger from Wireless Road is only about pickpockets (guys and gals in business just for the money in my wallet).

Security Notice

There were two incidents recently in which U.S. Embassy employees had their shoulder bags cut open and their wallets removed by thieves without their knowledge. Both incidents occurred in the tent market which operates on weekdays during lunchtime between Soi Tonson and Soi Lang Suan, behind the Embassy's main building. Since this is an area where American citizens who live or work in the area may have reason to go, we wanted to make sure that all Americans were aware of these incidents.

American citizens are reminded to remain particularly vigilant in the area of the tent market and in other similarly crowded areas and to make sure that handbags, purses, backpacks, and wallets are in your control at all time. Thieves typically prey on people's unawareness and take advantage of crowded conditions. The Embassy has notified the police, and they plan to increase patrols in the tent market area.

U.S. Embassy Bangkok American Citizen Services Unit:
Window Hours: Monday - Friday, 8 - 11 AM and 1 - 3 PM
Tel: +66-2-205-4049
E-mail: acsbkk@state.gov
U.S. Department of State travel website: http://travel.state.gov
U.S. Embassy Bangkok website: http://usa.or.th

Saturday, October 4, 2003

Tomorrow, the 5th, we (*) will leave for Roanoke. This will be the first time that the American state of Virginia has been the host forum (fora) for the ICCA (*). Don Bull ... and his 'go-with', Bonnie Bull ... are the generous sponsors/organizers of this historic 'first'.

But, rushing to be the very first into our own road van ... who will it be? All three 'girls' are poised for the dash ... but, only two winners will get the coveted window seats ... and, of course, they'll be the only ones to wave at the crowds who will surely line I95 and I77 on our nearly thousand mile drive to Wirtz.

* It will be Watcharee and I ... and the three charter members of the Patpong Corkscrew Club: Gift, Amma and Ohmy. With the five of us in one vehicle we should qualify for all car-pool-lane privileges in the states of Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, North Carolina and Virginia. [should the Highway Patrol cars fret about cut-out transvestites in the back seat ... well, look for us on CNN]

** Addicted THOCBDC readers will know that the PCC has never had an AGM outside of Asia ... even outside of Bangkok ... hell, even outside of the greater Patpong Entertainment Zone. A first for us, too!

Our President wrote this poem for Our First Lady (*):

Roses are red, violets are blue.
Oh my lump in the bed, how I've missed you.
Roses are redder, bluer am I,
Seeing you kissed by that charming French guy.
The dogs and the cat, they missed you too.
Barney's still mad you dropped him, he ate your shoe.
The distance, my dear, has been such a barrier.
Next time you want an adventure, just land on a carrier.

* What's worse is that she read it aloud in public while her Man looked on.

PS: Reader J.T. from Helsinki, Finland writes: "Your 'girls' always seem to strike the same pose. Don't they ever come together in any other way?"

How's this, JT?

PPS: Altavista's translation service has helped us convert Our President's words of love into additional languages. Now, men of both "Old Europe" and "New Europe" can woo their ladies with the suave stylings of our jump-suited Commander in Chief:

French: Les roses sont des violets rouges sont l'OH bleu mon, morceau dans le lit comment je me suis ennuyé de vous. Les roses sont des AM plus bleus plus rouges I vous voyant ont embrassé par ce type français charmant. Les chiens et le chat, elles se sont ennuyées de vous trop la prise de bec encore folle vous l'ont laissé tomber, il ont mangé votre chaussure la distance, mon cher, a été une telle barričre la fois prochaine que vous voulez une aventure, terre juste sur un porteur.

German: Roses sind rote Violette sind blaues mein OH-, Klumpen im Bett, wie ich Sie vermißt habe. Die Roses sind roetere blauere morgens I Sie sehend küßten durch dieses bezaubernde französische Halteseil. Die Hunde und die Katze, vermißten sie Sie auch des wütenden Barneys noch Sie fallenließen ihn, er aßen Ihren Schuh der Abstand, mein liebes, sind gewesen solch eine Sperre folgendes Mal, das Sie ein Abenteuer wünschen, gerades Land auf einer Fördermaschine.

Spanish: Las rosas son violeta rojos son Oh azul mi, terrón en la cama cómo le he faltado. Las rosas son más azules más rojas I que le ven se besaron por ese individuo francés encantador. Los perros y el gato, le faltaron el barney todavía enojado usted lo cayeron también, él comieron su zapato la distancia, mi querido, han sido tal barrera la vez próxima que usted desea una aventura, tierra justa en un portador.

Italian: Le rose sono viola rossi sono l'OH blu mio, grumo nella base come li ho mancati. Le rose sono piů blu piů rossi I che li vedono hanno baciato da quel tipo francese affascinante. I cani ed il gatto, li hanno mancati ugualmente barney ancora pazzo voi lo hanno caduto, lui hanno mangiato il vostro pattino la distanza, il mio caro, sono state una tal barriera la volta che prossima desiderate un'avventura, terra giusta su un elemento portante.

A warning about these translations, however: This is how the French version translates "back" into English, according to Altavista:

What you might really be saying: The pinks are purple reds are the blue OH my, piece in the bed how I was bored you. The pinks are AM more blue redder I seeing you embraced by this charming French type. The dogs and the cat, they were bored to you too the still insane row dropped it to you, it ate your shoe the distance, my expensive, was such a barrier the nearest time which you want an adventure, ground right on a carrier.

Sunday, October 5, 2003 (pre-journal)

This afternoon our own PCC members will start the thousand mile drive from Florida to Wirtz. Already in Wirtz, PCC members Bull and Hunt are making preparations for the PCC punch and all its other steamy stuff. But, it is doubtful that any other PCC members will be there ... unless ...

Dean Mary L. Volcansek
Ran College of Humanities and Social Sciences

Personal: Born April 2, 1948, in Lubbock. Volcansek married retired English professor Harry Antrim in 1982, a union in which Volcansek happily acquired two stepchildren. The couple now enjoy time with their two grandchildren. They have one family cat, Mimi, but also spearheaded an effort to spay, neuter and vaccinate stray cats in their neighborhood.

Education: PhD, Texas Tech University, 1973
MA, Texas Tech University, 1971
BA, Abilene Christian College, 1969

Professional: A faculty member and administrator since 1973 at Florida International University, Dr. Volcansek has been a professor of political science since 1986. The author of eight books and 20 articles. she founded FIU's summer study abroad program at Cambridge University and directed her department's graduate program with 35 master's and doctoral students.

Other: Dr. Volcansek is also an early member of Bangkok's Patpong Corkscrew Club. Though she was not a member when the club was first founded in Bangkok (Thailand) in 2001, she had hoped to attend the club's 2nd AGM in the fall of 2002. This second meeting was held at Kings ... (a transvestite bar) ... located on Bangkok's notorious Patpong 1. However, something 'came up' and she didn't come. The 2003 AGM of the Patpong Corkscrew Club will be held in Virginia in mid-October. This will be the first time that the PCC has held a meeting outside of Asia (first time outside of Patpong, for that matter). It is hoped that Dr. Volcansek will be able to make this meeting.

PS: We are out the door! On the way to Roanoke!

The 'girls' are just now piling themselves into our rental Ford Explorer. (*) And, they are so looking forward to seeing hundreds and hundreds of miles of US Interstate highways.

* We won't get lost because we have an onboard navigation system.

PPS: We are in Titusville, Florida ... 189.9 miles from where we started.

For the readers who were concerned about the French translation of Our President's Poem to Our First Lady ... and its subsequent retranslation into English ... Becky of Vault du Lugny wrote:

"The sentence that you send has no sense, it talks about flowers, dogs and shoes, I absolutly don't understand what it means!"

PPPS from South Africa:

"I broke a couple of fingernails but I'll be back next year." - Songpol Laohawiwattana, captain of the transsexual Screwless Tuskers team, who competed in the King's Cup elephant polo tournament in Thailand recently.

Monday, October 6, 2003

Back on the road to Roanoke ...

PS: A Day's Inn in Blythewood SC is not like The Plaza or the Four Seasons, except when you are asleep.

Next: ICCA in Roanoke!

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