After a three-month worldwide search, the Brotherhood of Searchers for a Replacement (BOSFAR) is pleased to announce that it has made its choice!
This was a far more difficult decision than anticipated, because a surprisingly large number of extremely qualified and downright fascinating applicants flung themselves into the selection bin. A final choice had to be made, however, and ultimately one star rose up from among all the wonderful candidates.
The level of airtight security surrounding this selection has been the envy of the Pentagon. But now, the lid is off and the story can be told. Here are just a few selected details about the lucky winner who will be swept away to join our balloon adventure in Switzerland in January:
HOME: Seattle, WA
BALLOONING EXPERIENCE: None
FAVORITE RECENT FILMS: Go, Slums of Beverly Hills, Usual Suspects
ALL-TIME FAVORITE FILMS: Fargo, anything by the Coen brothers
MUSIC: Poi Dog Pondering, Beautiful South (Note: She knows who P.J. HARVEY is ... and LIKES her!)
TALENTS: Well ... I'm very flexible.
CHILDHOOD: When I was 4 I broke my arm sliding down a handrail.
FEAR: Big dogs
INTERESTING CLOTHING FACT: I love funky socks.
FAVORITE FOODS: Grilled cheese sandwiches, ice cream, strawberries (but not all together, or the ice cream melts)
FAVORITE CANDY: Licorice
OTHER EATING HABITS: I chew ice.
BIRTHDAY: October 14, the best day of the year
ADDICTION: Chewing gum
TURN-ONs: I like my hair pulled, my neck bit, and seeing lust in a man's eyes.
Oh ... and there was one other thing that helped: As you will recall, our ultimate goal was to find a replacement who could be passed off as Denise, the balloon model who will be unable to join fellow Screwmaid Christen in Chateau d'Oex. We need to be able to say to the assembled throng of press and hangers-on: "Here they are: Christen and Denise" and get away with it.
Our diabolical scheme now looks like it will actually work, because our winning Screwmaid Replacement is actually named ... Denise!
Stay tuned as the time for Chateau d'Oex approaches!
As always, full details of this trip will be covered here at corkscrew-balloon.com. Join us as we embark on our adventure with Denise Hagan of Seattle!
Congratulations, Denise, and welcome to the Corkscrew Balloon Chateau d'Oex 2000 Expeditionary Force! Your fellow balloonists look forward to your joining us. We will give you ice cream and chewing gum, and we will steadfastly protect you from any large dogs we encounter in Switzerland.